...will I endure?

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one.Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."mark

I'm in a total fix....a fix im ashamed to share. my husband is planing to bring my in-laws home.he thinks it will be a great help...but i doubt it. but why am I getting panicky? that's so unchristian....!!!! thats precisely why i am ashamed.

My in-laws never liked me and sort of hate me too. Many times they have been rude and accusing. They primarily agreed to get me to marry only for the sake of the dowry money.(and I'm not exaggerating it). My hesitance in giving it for their purposes has made them to loath me so.They mostly maintain a polished behaviour in front of their son...but behind his back they are very rude to me.Often they find fault with every little thing I do.They have often said that they don't like me to live with their son and only if I go away from their family they will get peace.Much to my dismay they call me mentally sick at my face and to other people behind my back!!! There is reason for my panic and fear.The fear of saving my marriage.

What's the role of my dear husband in all this? Well he is lukewarm in his love to me...he neither hates me nor loves me fully...and making him try to understand what I feel , what they did to me, just makes him get angry at me for bringing up useless topics and talking bad about his parents... I swallow my tongue and retreat.Nothing remains to be said to someone who doesn't want to understand, who is prejudiced against me and who never consoles or builds up my esteem. I do love him...and always will no matter how he stabs my heart. Often I feel I could never get through to him if I'm not his blood.He loves his mom, dad, sis, sons ,cousins, ....but who am I to him? Just a odd addition to his life since some years . I'm not even a lover or friend i think...just a silly acquaintance he met and keeps meeting everyday.

People have asked us about issues in my family... I never doubted...unless he leaves me for another i will never walk away(even when I'm tempted too) I might stick on between accusations and hate.But what if the kick me out as they told me...What if they scheme to make my husband leave me?... I'm scared.

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. psalms 56:8

If only he loved me enough...if only i could share to him my feelings without hesitance ..if only he dint judged me for what i feel....but understood me...yet advised me of Godly conduct and encourage me to love...to support me at all times... Isn't it every girl's dream?

 I am obliged to love my in-laws by law...and I do .But living everyday in midst of a family that thinks me a stranger that's good to be disposed....with no support from anyone...not even from the man who by law is supposed to support me through thick and thin,is an uphill, period. I'm tempted like running away with my children to some place leaving their family blood and bonds at peace.but for the sake of the sacred institution of marriage...my husband and children.. I have to stand this test with faith and prayer.


GOD IS MY AID.God understands....and He knows even  what we think and do in secret.he knows my heart...and how I feel and how I felt .He is there for me always.He knows my husband's heart too. he judges no one...  He will bring peace, acceptance and love in our marriage that he planned from eternity.