I need a miracle!

Dear Jesus,
I know this mail finds you with much ardent love for me and my family.Lord this is a formal invitation to my family. Lord please come and abide...we need you here most urgently.We are in midst of a colourless, odourless,tasteless marriage.Everything seems to have gone numb, nothing is alive but my struggles to reach him.the only noise that can be heard is my low whimpers as a result of long  hard crying , and a low click noise that's been haunting me from the first day of marriage.

lord I'm trying hard to keep our love burning...but I think he doesn't care.his priorities lie on his work he says. I find myself losing hope . I'm tired of crying alone, of sleeping alone,of doing chores alone, of talking to myself, dreaming a future myself,of being myself.The 4 walls enclose my struggles,my tears, my groans of despair without ever reaching anyone who cares or comforts.  He sees me struggling but is stone faced.

I'm tired of waiting ,one thing after the other always comes by...new software's new hard wares  new downloads, new installations, new research, or just plain *....this pattern goes on and on and on... I'm always kept on hold. on hold...and a creepy music that's being played as I wait are my babies crying..... my heart breaking ....my life wasting.
He  is stone cold,nothing I say or do or touch or kiss reach him...its like he has lost himself beyond repair in a cyber world.Lord I beseech come and do a miracle. create wine.... I have put vases of tears...lord come and make our marriage a true wine....much joyful and getting stronger everyday.
I want love,joy laughter, peace,... take away the click click from my life.save us lord do a miracle.
love and prayers
L

Looking at Christ.

I look at myself and find  bitterness induced negativity, brokenness and a strange helplessness.

 But in Christ I am clothed in joy, strength, dignity and freedom.

I look at my husband and find flaws, rejection, aloofness and betrayal during every crisis.

But in Christ I see him God ordained head of the family, the mate he chose from eternity, flawless and totally lovable.

I look at my children I see fear of their future, the worry over every phase of development,their little mistakes and fear of failure as a mother.

But in Christ I see them florishing, God fearing, healthy, joyful and myself a capable proud mom.

I look at our family see our disorganized routines, financial messes,lack of judgement and unstable future.

but in Christ I see the plan of God,the providence of God, the healing of God ,the peace of God and a great purpose for us as a family.


Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. psalms 344:5

My dear brothers and sisters in christ if you are here today dont look at yourself, your husband, children or family in dispair look at CHRIST who can change your whole life in a fraction of a second.

Not every marriage so lucky.

No that's is a very bitter spot on at least a handful of women.Women who never amount to anything in the eyes of the spouse. She occupies the last of his priorities,stranger in "His" family."Her" family...is said to be  her mom and dad whom she left the day of her marriage. And she  is never worth fighting for...save be of any significance in his extended family.At this point one might think...dint God call him and her to start a family of their own...oh no...no in this case no.she is just added to his already existing family with due respect. The children will be of greater significance because they are blood relations, next important to already existing family members.But a gal from another family, especially if she is shy too, will always be in the backdrop of her husbands busy life. such gals should have found guys who genuinely liked them and shouldnot have tried tin into a guy's compromised marriage, coz all her life she will be compromising and never seek to be loved.

if she claims her wife-ly position she is subdued by cold shoulders and given silent treatment till she understands her true position.if she cries she is ignored.if she smiles no one cares.if she does something it is faulty, if she doesn't then why the heck did she marry?be independent,they say, don't be a nuicence....if she takes a decision then hell breaks loose....she is taught a lesson for life,and every one in the family agrees she rightly deserves it.if people who care question this "'punishment"..oh they are evil to the core for asking.my dear women who suffer insignificance...you r doing a great job hanging in there in midst of chaos.Not everyone can do it,im so proud of you.

saying this i congratulate every single girl who had a beautiful marriage. God bless you.I am so happy for you gals.i hope you understand at length how lucky you are to get such admiration and care from the man u have to live ur entire life with.love your guys a lil extra for their righteous hearts and devoted minds.

Bloom where u are planted...happy or sad, God placed you there for a purpose.Do ur part, and leave the rest to GOD to whome you are so significant that he would give up entire nations for YOU:). Peace and good cheer.

This is what I intend to do!

"I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME"

I'm letting go of all the neglect and isolation at the heart of Jesus.....
I'm letting go of all the times i was rejected  physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually....at the heart of JESUS.
I'm  letting go all the time my husband wasn't there for me...at the heart of JESUS.
I'm letting go all  the  infinite times my husband dint comfort me when all I wanted of him  was to hold me close...at the heart of JESUS.
I'm letting go of all his past baggage that's haunting me ....at the heart of JESUS.
I'm letting go of all pain and humiliation unjustly suffered...alone...at the heart of Jesus.
I'm letting go of my want to be loved, accepted, comforted, cherished, appreciated,at the heart of Jesus.
I'm letting go of my weakness and shyness at the heart of Jesus
I'm letting go of all that I value, my husband,children,my family at the heart of Jesus
I'm letting go of all worry, anxiety, brokenness,worthlessness at the heart of Jesus.

Let his wounded heart be my refuge and strength.
Let his grace suffice me.
Let his love overpower me.
Let his spirit set me on fire.
Let his blood wash my sins.
Let his name strenghten me.
Let his justice give me dignity.
Let my identity be difined by him.
Let his hope fill my future with laughter and joy. amen

What it takes to be a christian wife.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." (Jeremiah 29:11-12,)


When God called me to marriage to be quite frank I was quiet unequipped, a new wife just exploring a new life outside the confines of her parent's safe nest.it might add to the situation that I was naive to one extend and idealistic to the other, and unfortunately the world was neither righteous nor straight-faced.. I fell into the hands of what you describe a tall dark handsome man the kind of man who knew too much of the world's corruptness, and who was silent and aloof..the kind that you find in romance novels.the man I naively wanted to win over with my love.the romantic in me was totally desperately in love with him...the kind of love  that totally ignites your existence  and nothing matters except  being with him. I was walking in a cloud...thinking, dreaming,wishing a future for us.our love would have been phenomenal ,but unfortunately,he had been there,done that...except the girl was never me. his past was a fuming acid I drank one night he spilled it on me...and the burns yet remain afresh till today, coz the one who wounded never bothered to stop by and rub an ointment of words,touch or promise.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

It was shocking for me and totally enigmatic,this man, who defiles all my ideal philosophies and lives in a strange cocoon where I am never allowed to enter.he nurtured strange sorrows, unhealed wounds,an odd wilful control of body and mind,weird philosophies on past sins,a shallow Christian life and peculiar emotions for me as a wife.he never truly loved me, never truly hates me...a strange mix of emotions often contained in a few moments of bliss, long painful spells of aloofness,silence and rejection and sarcastic comments that broke me.The truth is I never could reach him even as I tried hard, I just wanted to belong to him, be his everything.but he has cocooned himself in a strange world where I dint matter,my attempts to reach out to him was like flinging myself on a rock wall. for four long years I have been banging tooth and nail to reach out to him,to feel what he really is like inside.sadly unless he opens up I can never reach there.but this long struggle to win him to be mine, or at least to belong to him...has led my heart to tatters.with this man i was always unguarded,and he just uncaring broke my heart.

If I ask him he would switch to silent mode or say some sarcastic comment or say in a flat unconvincing note he loves me in a way I don't understand. and sadly enough I retreat to nurse my wounds of rejection, and an odd suffercation unable to vent my dissapointment .
We have never discussed parenthood,important decisions  or as a matter a fact running the house together as a couple....its always a question mark.what I try to do might not end up well coz he is neither involving nor sharing the duties.he does do his share when it pleases him...on and off like his mood swings ..its never stable,never as a couple.he is torn between a busy bachelor and a family man...and often is a busy bachelor..not a busy spouse or busy father...coz I see accusal in his eyes as if he is being dragged to do duties he is not a part of.and I unknowingly feel urged to apologize. where is my married spouse? who is this bachelor I am living with.
To my heart I say he will change, he will love me truly one day...and that day ours will be the blessed household ever.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

(Jesus said) "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:20

Yet as I look back even through brokenness, rejection, betrayal in crisis... I see the beautiful design , two adorable children and faith to keep going.and strangely enough I was equipped for this marriage...my parents had given me Jesus, to hold on even when the ground beneath me was ripped.A faith and faithfulness to remain grounded through crisis,though alone,in the God ordained role. Even if I did give my best, I could have done better... and better myself every day for fresh challenges.



Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9,)

Our brokenness in the family should be fixed before it influences our beautiful children,I am ready to sacrifice any length and hope Jesus reforms his heart as well.breaks his cocoon and discards it forever,I need my love,my friend,my guide and head of family....the children a Godly, righteous father who will lead them to God.

 Dear LORD....when I strive alone...be my guide,.Don't let me be harsh on my husband and children just because i am hurting inside.Because i am not to be judging anyone,all judgement belongs to You alone.I am not perfect, he is not perfect...there is a lot of emotional turmoil in both of us. A vast amount of past hurts and emotional baggages bounds him...his genes and home environment has taught him to treat his wife in a very low way... that's how he has seen his dad treating his mom. He has to break away from his bondages....to love me truly. Lord help him, heal him...prepare him to joyfully serve the position you have designed for him.As the head of the family,to shepherd our family to your grace and mercy.

prayer for moms and babes

Dear lord Jesus  Christ,
bless all the moms and babes of this world ,that they might hold fast to you during all times,through joys, through tears, through difficulties and confusions.Open the hearts of the moms and babes to your love, peace, and fire of the holy spirit.Open the hearts of the moms to love, adore you and lean on you when situations are overwhelming.Open the hearts of the babes to your Words and everlasting love throuhg the counsel and encouragement of their parents. amen

great new looks evry day :)