The story behind my blue coffee mug and his beige coffee mug

Ironically the story is much smaller than the title :)
We went to the shopping mall to get ourselves coffee mugs....I fell in love with a aquamarine blue one, and picked up two, one for him and one for me.One look at it, he frowned," Oh I love them" I insisted but the frown turned to disgust.With patience shown by a parent whose toddler has picked up a toad to take home, he took them from my hands and placed it back.After a thorough scan on the shelves he gave a satisfied grin "ah ,this is perfect".his eyes had settled on a beige coffee mug,"ugh" I said.But the mugs had already made their way into the shopping cart. Now, I dint have the patience of the parent-with-toddler-with-toad,my hands just automatically grasped the mugs and kept them back where they belonged "I hate them" I explained.After a series of" I like this one, that one sucks...",determined attitudes in verbal and non verbal expressions,and cold stares...we finally decided that coffee mugs are not socks to be bought as matching pairs....he took his favourite beige and I humbly picked up my precious blue.

Two months later, he sips his coffee in the blue mug and me in the beige one.over the weeks we had been unintentionally reaching for each other's favourite mugs and weirdly enough have  taken a strange preference to them.I don't hate  the beige mug any more, I love it.He is not disgusted with the blue mug, he loves it.

Moral of the story: Some things in life don't have logical explanations.

 Just like  our marriage, we might have different likes and preferences. Petty disagreements  arise over what we like and arguments to vainly make the other person agree to our likes. but eventually there is something greater that just blows you over,like a divine hand that's perfecting the script in time.And eventually unknowingly we start to take up each others likes and preferences.

A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. -Dave Meurer

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs3:5-6

 

 Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.Proverbs10:12

The poor me syndrome...

scene-1
I double bend to wipe the floor the umpteenth time, clutching my 7 month pregnant tummy. My toddler has yet again spilled something greasy and sticky on the floor."poor me" I think to myself.
scene2
I find it difficult to sleep, a lil nauseated by the heartburn,and I get a leg cramp... I can't  seem to reach my calf muscles as I wither in pain,both my boys, (the big one, is supposed to be up ,relieving my pain , I think)... are sleeping blissfully unaware, I think poor me.
scene3
Inspite of my varicose veins and shortness of breath I mange to cook, clean and tidy up standing for long time span...and yet my big boy unthinkingly finds something to criticize with the cleaning and doesn't comment on my cooking, and the young one makes a mess in less than a quarter of a minute, every 5 mins , all day till he sleeps...and I think to my self poor poor me.
Oh I get it all the time....its so easy to fall into its poisonous arms,to bask in its sadness,and shed a tear or two.But essentially its chronic disease feeding on your time, energy and emotions.

Romans 5:3-5

 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Oh....that makes perfect sense.- I think.

Philippians 2:14

 Do everything without grumbling or arguing,

yes ,right...I'll do that... piece of cake!-I think.

Its not so easy to come out of that addictive syndrome,however a little bit hard to shake it off  it is not impossible.Its  like to quit smoking....the temptation is high...to wallow in self pity.."poor me". But you  just have to refuse to take any more of that crap.

Instead offer your little discomforts and sufferings to JESUS...for the filling of millions of people with God's love and Holy spirit and salvation of their souls.That way you are giving Christ your suffering, for a greater cause. Remember this prayer brings about great changes, to you and the whole world.

Next time I'm in physical or mental pain..however big or however petty...its not "poor me"...its "take it Jesus and heal millions going through the same suffering".

Nourishing the soul.

In this age of health conciousness and intellectual stimulation ,we are so ever interested in nourishing our mortal bodies and curious mind.I wouldn't say its not a fair thing to do, but do we put that much effort in nourishing our spiritual being?I often feel that while we spoil our body and mind with luxuries, our spiritual being is starving and dying.

The body

"Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to Me and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."  Isaiah 55:2

"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear and respect the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones." Proverbs 3:7-8
Of course good health comes from the lord but isn't it vain to count calories and shop incessantly fretting over what to eat and what to wear,at the same time totally disregarding the source of your good health,God,who keeps you from all afflictions.
Praise the Lord, my soul, and never forget all the good he has done: He is the one who forgives all your sins, the one who heals all your diseases."  Psalms 103:2-3

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God..."  1 Corinthians 6:19-20


The mind

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."Proverbs 4:23

We live in an era where the knowledge is considered more valuable than the virtues.We are very careful about the intellectual growth of ourselves and our children.To what length do we go to satisfy our minds whims, pursue worldly teachings,satisfy our curiosity in all matters God has warned to be destructive.
We are also aware of our emotional well being,vastly reading and researching it,looking at people and things to satisfy that need...and very often failing.

Ecclesiastes 2:23 
All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.

The need to be loved is deep rooted within us, and in this frenzied run of finding love ,acceptance and happiness we often do not know the real path to take.We end up running exactly in the opposite direction farther and farther away from God.

"My People are destroyed from lack of knowledge"   Hosea 4:6

The soul

"A man's spirit can sustain his broken body, but when spirit dies, what hope is left?"   Proverbs 18:14
The soul on the other hand is malnourished and decaying.Either we conveniently forget about it or  we ignore it.
It is neither fed with the word of God,nor clothed with daily prayers and supplications to the Lord.Never is it fortified by praise and worship of God.

"I have carried you since you were born; I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:3-4

God is waiting for us to draw closer to him...so that he can lift us up ,love us, care for us and nourish us completely. But first we have to nourish our spirit and give it enough strength to open the eyes and reach out for God.He is just a hand reach away, but our malnourished souls are blinded to see him or experience his unfailing love.

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs...and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11

Neglect of the soul,this is exactly what satan wants ...to make us busy in  so many areas of life that we neglect the most important one.That important area which when weak and neglected , he can conquer , defeat , and destroy us forever.

Ephesians 6:10-18

The Armour of God

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Why delay? start now:

Start by saying "Hallelujah" and praising the lord. (so you might be united with the praising of angels in heaven).Ask and seek of him with a sincere heart to take control of your life.Read the Holy Bible .

POVERTY....

More than the physical poverty is the pain of spiritual, mental,social ,poverty.The kind  of poverty we often look past in our daily life.The need of another person, to be loved and cared and respected.If we could just uplift someone from that kind of poverty, life would be so much meaningful and world would be so much better place to live in.

Its a one mission anyone can run anywhere at all times,because those who hunger for love, care and even a word of encouragement are never in short of,maybe masked and shy and hidden.These might be your own family and friends.What does it take to give a hand, lend an ear say a pleasant word or give a smile.

Also search inside and explore your own poverty...deep rooted unloved moments, lack of motivation, grief of isolation or neglect and all the emotional poverty.Hold hands with the Holy spirit to reveal to you the spiritual poverty...the lack of joy,lack of peace, lack of wisdom, lack of love of God, lack of understanding,lack of self control and various spiritual lacking that make your soul feel like a dry parched piece of land.Become aware of your poverty and seek God's grace to abundantly send you the gifts of the holy spirit that will lead you to be a fountain of life.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven" Matthew 5:3

Sirach 28..Forgiveness and grace.

 ¹³ Gossips and liars deserve to be cursed, because they have been the ruin of many people who were minding their own business.¹⁴ Many have had their lives ruined and have been driven from their homes because of people who meddled in their business. Such unwanted interference has resulted in the destruction of strong cities and the homes of respected people.¹⁵ Meddlers have caused faithful wives to be divorced, robbed of everything they had worked for.

Sirach 28 striked me hard yesterday while we were saying our prayers...I had been dwelling on how people's prejudice was affecting my emotional state,seeking deliverance in that part of life.No matter how I tried others prejudiced judgements and opinions made me feel degraded.


^19-20Count yourself lucky if you have been spared the experience of having irresponsible talk directed against you—if you have never had that iron yoke around your neck or those heavy chains on your legs.²¹ Slander leads to a miserable death; but in fact, you'd be better off dead.

I have long suffered this pain of heavy chains on my legs and iron yoke around my neck ...which the scripture so vividly describes.I offended some people related to me by refusing money transactions, even though I had taken the counsel of the Holy spirit regarding it. Vengeance was sought speedily for my refusal . My reputation was tarnished in every household I was loved. Alarmed calls came asking me if I was alright?...I was crushed and isolated...even in my own home.Yet I thought God is using this situation to teach humility...and I did not make a big deal out of it.But events did not end there I was further potrayed as hurting and wounding them instead of vice versa. I remained quiet.. not knowing what to say...utterly shocked at this turn of plates...yet feeling guilty that my refusal could have done them some lasting emotional damage that led them to publically humiliate, and falsely accuse me.

I remained deeply hurt but there was no one to share it with.

 A whip can raise a welt, but a vicious tongue can break bones.¹⁸ More people have died as a result of loose talk than were ever killed by swords.

 The ones closest to me were the ones to isolate me first... labelling me evil and telling me I deserved such public humiliation.I died a lot of deaths everyday thereafter.... I found that even if I had forgiven them I  can't forget ... wounded again and again by them or others who believed what they said.

Anyone who pays attention to slander can never find peace of mind

What all could people do for money...especially if all I mean to them is  a calculated source of money.Sometimes I felt like throwing it all at them and asking them just to say one time...they dint mean to hurt me..sorry.... for all the years of agony.And to the society that I am just another normal girl.
These thoughts cloud my mind desperately....making me suffer every day.An unforgiving mind took control of me.

Devout people, however, cannot be overcome by slander; they cannot be burned by its flames.²³ Its victims are those who have abandoned the Lord; once the fire of slander has been lit among them, it cannot be put out. Slander will pounce on them like a lion and tear them to pieces like a leopard. 

 The scripture says that if I stay close to God I wont be affected by these slanders.True I was a devout Christian... but,not a perfect one, I needed a more firmer relationship with God.In midst of all the negativities propogated against me God still miraculously lead me to people who truly care..and accepting me in spite of these rumours,people touched by God.

.² But if you forgive someone who has wronged you, your sins will be forgiven when you pray.³ You cannot expect the Lord to pardon you while you are holding a grudge against someone else.⁴ You yourself are a sinner, and if you won't forgive another person, you have no right to pray that the Lord will forgive your sins.⁵ If you cannot get rid of your anger, you have no hope of forgiveness—you are only a human being.⁶ Think about it! Some day you will die, and your body will decay. So give up hate and live by the Lord's commands,⁷ the commands in the covenant of the Most High. Instead of getting upset over your neighbor's faults, overlook them.

Even though these people slander again...God wants me to forgive them again.They might have some deep rooted wounds from past or similar experiences from others that lead them to unthinkingly tarnish others.What they need is healing of  those past wounds.They need my prayers more than my forgiveness. I need to forgive for my sake...only forgiveness can bring me peace...I might still be carrying on my neck and legs heavy chains of falsely accused public judgement, because outwardly nothing much has changed.Yet my suffering when offered to God will bring huge flow of mercy and  grace inside .

Jesus, tender Shepherd, hear me

Jesus, tender Shepherd, hear me:
Bless Thy little child to-night;
Through the darkness be Thou near me,
Keep me safe till morning light.

All this day Thy hand has led me,
And I thank Thee for Thy care;
Thou hast warmed me, clothed me, fed me;
Listen to my evening prayer.

May my sins be all forgiven;
Bless the friends I love so well;
Take me, Lord, at last to heaven.
Happy there with Thee to dwell. Amen.

Letting go.....

As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried:
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do........ you never did let go"

Living life..real

I thought life was a piece of cake and living freely without inhibitions was what one supposed to do. Love freely...have fun...laugh your guts out...entertain...have a lot of  "me time" and yet have people around to reach out when you need.Life to me was all about romance and happiness,and getting everything out of life by just being myself.


 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 1 Cor. 13:11


But life dint take me where I wanted to,I was broken and depressed and torn and wounded and yet I was stubborn...and would not yeild of myself what I claimed was my essence.


Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.(John 12:24)




I remember one of my professors telling me at college...life is not about joys and celebrations its about duties and responsibilities. My happy go luck nature that loved to flow with the drift and be content din't much endure  the tests of marriage, career and child raring. I had to struggle to keep in phase, I huffed and puffed and wailed and yammered in frustration whenever I couldn't keep up to the standards I so much idealized before marriage. The world's cruel realities made me shudder and I grouped desperately for the old familiarity of innocence and simplicity.I no longer had a" me time" ...and as life drifted offshore I never found people around when I needed them... I hardly laughed.. I hardly slept... I hardly dreamed....a sense of personal failure crept in .In life's burning trials of harsh judgements, heart breaking accusations and a deep inner loneliness I lost a lot of myself.It was not easy but it was essential because it shifted my focus from what was shallow to what was real.


Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.(Psalms146:3)

It took a lot of God allowed heart breaks and isolation to make me realize that He was tugging on my heart all the while, jealously desiring my soul.My desperate attempts to make everything perfect taught me to rely fully on God instead of relying on myself or on others, in him I can live freely .. according to his call.It means I have to give of myself everyday.My space, my time, my efforts, my love,my patience,my comforts,my wishes, my appreciation, my encouragement,my joy, my forgiveness...

 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.(2 Cor 9:7)

I guess  that decision has to be made everyday ...what to give of yourself ?to your spouse, to your children, to your parents, to your siblings, your friends, your church, your community.....and that giving should be done for God,not for your gratification.Let him take it from you and miraculously transform it to something special you have never dreamed of.

Let God Carry you

Broken heart....

I tearfully looked at Jesus and said "All I wanted was a bit of love and you just broke my heart?...so unfair...its painful to love....painful to keep giving...painful to care so much and never be acknowledged....so much of judgement passed due to the sole fact that I'm socially retarded and don't sweet talk? I try so hard to keep myself holy...imperfect as I am....and be honest in my thoughts as in words and deeds....yet look at me I'm condemned..and people who sweet talk while shoving off their evil natures and deeds under a pretty smile are thought to be holy and righteous? where is justice??O my sweet sweet Jesus...sometimes I just want to run away faster and faster away and far away where I can hide my tear stained face and broken heart in the dry dusty earth."

Jesus looked at me,with so much love that I never wanted to be loved by anyone else ever again.....filling me with his life giving spirit ...intoxicating me with joy and an unexplainable peace......his face was radiant yet wounded and bleeding..,the wounds I gave him...the pain ,humiliation, betrayal, indifference I give him everyday ...he whispered"My grace is all you need"....he dint say that things would radically change or that I will be forever happy....but his grace is all I need.The giving of myself bit by bit mind, body and soul for others does hurts...it should hurt because its giving a part of you...because its crushing of the self for the sake of others."take your cross daily and follow me" he said again deeply gazing into my soul. I decided to thankfully and cheerfully take from his hand all he had to offer,even the sufferings,because his grace was all I needed :) , to love , to forgive, to bless and to give of myself like He did for me.

Oh Jesus I should become smaller so that you can become greater in me.... and in my weakness you show your strength.you grace is all I want.

My child, when you come to serve the Lord,

prepare yourself for trials.

Be sincere of heart and steadfast,

and do not be impetuous in time of adversity.

Cling to him, do not leave him,

that you may prosper in your last days.

Accept whatever happens to you;

in periods of humiliation be patient.

For in fire gold is tested,

and the chosen, in the crucible of humiliation.b

Trust in God, and he will help you;

make your ways straight and hope in Him.

SIRACH 2:1-6