Living life..real

I thought life was a piece of cake and living freely without inhibitions was what one supposed to do. Love freely...have fun...laugh your guts out...entertain...have a lot of  "me time" and yet have people around to reach out when you need.Life to me was all about romance and happiness,and getting everything out of life by just being myself.


 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 1 Cor. 13:11


But life dint take me where I wanted to,I was broken and depressed and torn and wounded and yet I was stubborn...and would not yeild of myself what I claimed was my essence.


Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.(John 12:24)




I remember one of my professors telling me at college...life is not about joys and celebrations its about duties and responsibilities. My happy go luck nature that loved to flow with the drift and be content din't much endure  the tests of marriage, career and child raring. I had to struggle to keep in phase, I huffed and puffed and wailed and yammered in frustration whenever I couldn't keep up to the standards I so much idealized before marriage. The world's cruel realities made me shudder and I grouped desperately for the old familiarity of innocence and simplicity.I no longer had a" me time" ...and as life drifted offshore I never found people around when I needed them... I hardly laughed.. I hardly slept... I hardly dreamed....a sense of personal failure crept in .In life's burning trials of harsh judgements, heart breaking accusations and a deep inner loneliness I lost a lot of myself.It was not easy but it was essential because it shifted my focus from what was shallow to what was real.


Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save.(Psalms146:3)

It took a lot of God allowed heart breaks and isolation to make me realize that He was tugging on my heart all the while, jealously desiring my soul.My desperate attempts to make everything perfect taught me to rely fully on God instead of relying on myself or on others, in him I can live freely .. according to his call.It means I have to give of myself everyday.My space, my time, my efforts, my love,my patience,my comforts,my wishes, my appreciation, my encouragement,my joy, my forgiveness...

 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.(2 Cor 9:7)

I guess  that decision has to be made everyday ...what to give of yourself ?to your spouse, to your children, to your parents, to your siblings, your friends, your church, your community.....and that giving should be done for God,not for your gratification.Let him take it from you and miraculously transform it to something special you have never dreamed of.