Sirach 28..Forgiveness and grace.

 ¹³ Gossips and liars deserve to be cursed, because they have been the ruin of many people who were minding their own business.¹⁴ Many have had their lives ruined and have been driven from their homes because of people who meddled in their business. Such unwanted interference has resulted in the destruction of strong cities and the homes of respected people.¹⁵ Meddlers have caused faithful wives to be divorced, robbed of everything they had worked for.

Sirach 28 striked me hard yesterday while we were saying our prayers...I had been dwelling on how people's prejudice was affecting my emotional state,seeking deliverance in that part of life.No matter how I tried others prejudiced judgements and opinions made me feel degraded.


^19-20Count yourself lucky if you have been spared the experience of having irresponsible talk directed against you—if you have never had that iron yoke around your neck or those heavy chains on your legs.²¹ Slander leads to a miserable death; but in fact, you'd be better off dead.

I have long suffered this pain of heavy chains on my legs and iron yoke around my neck ...which the scripture so vividly describes.I offended some people related to me by refusing money transactions, even though I had taken the counsel of the Holy spirit regarding it. Vengeance was sought speedily for my refusal . My reputation was tarnished in every household I was loved. Alarmed calls came asking me if I was alright?...I was crushed and isolated...even in my own home.Yet I thought God is using this situation to teach humility...and I did not make a big deal out of it.But events did not end there I was further potrayed as hurting and wounding them instead of vice versa. I remained quiet.. not knowing what to say...utterly shocked at this turn of plates...yet feeling guilty that my refusal could have done them some lasting emotional damage that led them to publically humiliate, and falsely accuse me.

I remained deeply hurt but there was no one to share it with.

 A whip can raise a welt, but a vicious tongue can break bones.¹⁸ More people have died as a result of loose talk than were ever killed by swords.

 The ones closest to me were the ones to isolate me first... labelling me evil and telling me I deserved such public humiliation.I died a lot of deaths everyday thereafter.... I found that even if I had forgiven them I  can't forget ... wounded again and again by them or others who believed what they said.

Anyone who pays attention to slander can never find peace of mind

What all could people do for money...especially if all I mean to them is  a calculated source of money.Sometimes I felt like throwing it all at them and asking them just to say one time...they dint mean to hurt me..sorry.... for all the years of agony.And to the society that I am just another normal girl.
These thoughts cloud my mind desperately....making me suffer every day.An unforgiving mind took control of me.

Devout people, however, cannot be overcome by slander; they cannot be burned by its flames.²³ Its victims are those who have abandoned the Lord; once the fire of slander has been lit among them, it cannot be put out. Slander will pounce on them like a lion and tear them to pieces like a leopard. 

 The scripture says that if I stay close to God I wont be affected by these slanders.True I was a devout Christian... but,not a perfect one, I needed a more firmer relationship with God.In midst of all the negativities propogated against me God still miraculously lead me to people who truly care..and accepting me in spite of these rumours,people touched by God.

.² But if you forgive someone who has wronged you, your sins will be forgiven when you pray.³ You cannot expect the Lord to pardon you while you are holding a grudge against someone else.⁴ You yourself are a sinner, and if you won't forgive another person, you have no right to pray that the Lord will forgive your sins.⁵ If you cannot get rid of your anger, you have no hope of forgiveness—you are only a human being.⁶ Think about it! Some day you will die, and your body will decay. So give up hate and live by the Lord's commands,⁷ the commands in the covenant of the Most High. Instead of getting upset over your neighbor's faults, overlook them.

Even though these people slander again...God wants me to forgive them again.They might have some deep rooted wounds from past or similar experiences from others that lead them to unthinkingly tarnish others.What they need is healing of  those past wounds.They need my prayers more than my forgiveness. I need to forgive for my sake...only forgiveness can bring me peace...I might still be carrying on my neck and legs heavy chains of falsely accused public judgement, because outwardly nothing much has changed.Yet my suffering when offered to God will bring huge flow of mercy and  grace inside .